So You Think Snowy Lapland Is Romantic Do You
Some say that we live in an exotic winter wonderland. For me I take the position of a grumpy old man like the famous Victor Meldrew in that classic TV programme One Foot In The Grave. Some say that snow clearing work is good for your health. More ridiculous optimism. There is more to life than suffering you know. Ah well, maybe not.
Then we are told by the weather people that we can expect a nice warm Springtime. I think that TV weather people are being paid by the government to send out nice propaganda in times that are atrocious. Look here. If we have a very warm Springtime we can expect huge flooding. So there.
We are also told that we should be good and proud of our work clearing the rooftops from heavy snow. Oh thanks for that nice piece of wisdom but it is diffcult to feel good when that snow from the roof piles up under the house like a snow mountain with nowhere else to go – until the flood that is. Soon we cannot see out of our windows the pile is so high. But no matter there is no sunshine anyway so we are not really missing anything.
We are also told that our official snow clearing teams are doing a god job especially with the bad budgets. Well let me tell you this. There are two different kinds of men that use their tractors as a snow plough to clear the snow. The first type is the more unusual and the less numerous. These men are kindly and thoughtful for families. They try hard to avoid putting too much snow on the driveways. They really do. I have been so thankful for these types when we find them. But they are an endangered species.
Unfortunately there is the second type. This type is damn right evil. This type scoops as much snow as possible into our gardens and onto our driveways. They find this worth a smile. This type is more common than is admitted. These tractor men have evil planned so well it is an art form. They wait until they know you have done your snow work and then they come along ploughing up as much thick heavy old snow as possible to replace that snow you have just cleared. I know too that they smile to themselves when they do this.
There is only one way to handle these evil types that smile at our misfortune. To bribe them early on. Catch them and then place a bottle of good whisky in their hands saying: ”Be kind to our driveway, please.” That does the trick. The problem here is that the damned government keeps putting up the prices of decent whisky all the time. In this life you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
Romantic exotic Lapland Huh. Pull the other leg it has bells on. Bloody ding dong.
The final fact of this miserable life springs from that continuous romantic clap trap where we are told to expect a good summer. Good summer my arse. What we can expect is this. After the Spring floods the mosquitoes will thrive and flourish like never before. We will be left bitten and almost blood-sucked to death. The mosquito loves a warm and wet Springtime.
The only thing to do in this tragic life is to look forward to the next winter and Christmas time. You know the time when we must pay back tax money to the government. No wonder some people believe that the after-life is the only place to find the good life.
Steve Bowles (Windsday 03.03.10)
