We Should Buy And Use The Vuvuzela
The Vuvuzela, that one metre long horn that blows a mono-B flat sound throughout the universe, is a winner. I am sure that this horn will catch on in many countries of the world. It is going to be a big hit. Cover your ears people! Get ready to listen to a sound that stops all thinking. Get ready for the Vuvuzela answer to all things.
This horn is now really famous after this World Cup football in South Africa. It may be just made of plastic but it really does make a sound that is solid and inflexible. No matter how many people are now saying that this Vuvuzela horn should be either banned or limited to use in places like outer space I say that this horn is a winner. We can expect a big boom in sales now. The Vuvuzela horn (forget the patents and the ownership problems) will travel the world.
For those that have, so far, escaped all the horn noises travelling the world let me inform. These horns give out well over 100 decibel of nauseant noise which puts a quick stop to any alternative sensory perception. This is the horn for the people. This is the horn for hope. This is war in the traditional sporting sense of morality.
There is a ready-made market for this horn. It cannot fail. Just think. I give a few quick examples. You would use this Vuvuzela horn whenever:
1. Your wife begins telling you off next weekend for just practising for the Midsummer party time.
2. The government makes a public debate to convince us that we must pay more in tax for our beers.
3. The Mother-in-Law comes around telling the good wife what a lazy good for nothing thing her husband is.
4. The government tells us that they seek better ”cooperation” between working folk and the fat cats.
5. Women demand that they be allowed to be the main referee in an ice-hockey game.
6. Men demand that they be allowed to be equal to women in the TV weather forecasts.
7. Women demand that they be allowed equal status in the sickness ( ”Man Flu”) league.
8. Men say that women could easily referee real football games.
9. The Eurovision Song Contest comes along.
The Vuvuzela horn will also find use during the frequent papel diatribes. Whenever the Pope condemns condoms and praises his flock of followers and disciples then blow the vavuzela horn to your hearts content. Then the Pope would rethink the condom debate. It is likely that the Pope would then promote condoms, big enough that is, to put on this wicked horn.
This horn is not however worthwhile to blow whenever somebody puts on MTV programmes. It is much quicker just to turn off the TV set. Yet if you want to make a new tourist attraction for Lapland then this Vavuzela horn could well be useful. It will attract thousands and thousands of angry elephants. Cheap way to cut down the forests and also the small villages that the government does not want to exist.
Anyway this horn is really something. Check it out. Buy one and use it well.
Steve Bowles
