Has Friendship Become A Numbers Game?
The recent technology of the computer ways to friendship is showing its face as a numbers-game. On many of the so called ”social networking” sites friendship, and social status and self-esteem, is measured in numbers. How many friends can you boast about as being your friends on your own lonely personal site? Are you a big time friend with more than 15 friends? Are you are super-star friendly person having over 100 friends bookmarked and recorded as being your own personal friends?
Now let me get this much straight. I have no problems with social networking sites. In this ”rent-a-friend” age I can say yes or no. I am not forced to join. That I do not join is simply my own decision. Others here can do as they will and why not. If people wish to experience their own versions of friendship on-line then let it be. Each to their own I say. It is also true to say that sometimes real friends can be found through social networking sites. But not often.
Anyway I believe that such social networking friendship-freaks will, sooner or later, come to realise that a friend is much more than a number on Facebook or whatever. A real friend in the real world of human relations is not a numbers-game and is not any kind of status system. In fact real friendship cuts through all the materialistic and ideological chains and friendship remains a kind of subversive loveable adventure.
Real friendship is something that is before and beyond any kind of system. Real friendship is something that no system can create or destroy. Real friendship is a happening and a chance happening at that. Friendship just happens. Friendship is far far away from plans and systems.
One of the best examples of this comes from the wonderful relationship between the Winnie the Pooh Bear and Piglet. Oh how different they are. Oh how together they are. Oh how little they measure or evaluate their relationship. Pooh Bear and Piglet just are. They simply exist as good friends. If Piglet is sad when people have forgotten her birthday then the silly and forgetful Pooh Bear will make his own birthday party into a two person party. That is just how it is. Pooh Bear and Piglet are real friends and they are subversive and cut across all borders.
Friends do not need to be linked through the same systems. In fact good friends are usually as different as chalk and cheese. All the better for that too.
Real friends are never counted as numbers. In fact it is doubtful that any of us can live our lives gathering up hundreds and hundreds of real friends. What we gather up is more like good contacts or acquaintances. Nothing wrong with that at all but these acquaintances are not real friends. Anyway Pooh Bear and Piglet would not be very good on the internet friendship sites. Pooh would forget his password. Piglet would have other things to do.
What has annoyed me recently is that the ”friendship” word has started to lose real and deep meaning. I would ask the internetty, contacty-fretty, social networking sites to use another word for their links. Such a word would need to be an Americanised (I love you all) term that is totally meaningless. Such is the name of this game.
Maybe these social networking sites could change their ”friend label” into something like:
Play Mates
Soul Mates
Tiddley-Winks
or:
My Mirror Images
My Identity Supporters
My Life Supporters.
I am sure that we can all think up more terms to use instead of ”friends”.
Let us not keep on destroying good meaningful words.
Steve Bowles
